“We all filter our sense of stability and well-being
through our connection to others.”
- Terrance Real
Last week I was rushing through the parking lot to get to my Pilates conditioning class. I was preoccupied with my thought mutterings and feelings of irritation for the uncooperative traffic and delay on my route.
Somewhat disconnected, I happened to look down at the pavement. There was an old penny.
I stopped in my tracks to see 5 pennies amidst the gravel and ice patches. They were lined up in a semi circle, very much like a smile.
I heard my Dad’s voice, well not exactly in words . But I felt his energy. He was there catching my attention holding the physical energy in the pennies. Immediately I understood the significance - the 5 members of our family - gathered together in a smile of love and support - for me!
I smiled then too and collected the 5 pennies together to carry with me in my coat pocket. I enjoyed my “secret knowing” as I climbed the steps of the building and made my way to the yoga room.
My attitude had shifted.
I felt a little lighter, my focus now was to be present, get my mat down, and ready myself for class. With just a couple minutes left, I dashed out to use the restroom.
What I found lying unassuming just before the entrance, was a gift from my Mom.
There on the white tile waiting for me, was a beautiful black feather. It wasn’t much bigger than my little finger. Like the coins, this feather caught my attention. It was directly in my path. I knew it held a message for me.
I’ve learned feathers carry a message of love and connection. A feather can remind me I am in the right place. I am enough. I am not alone.
Sometimes daily Life carelessly drapes around us a cape of delusion, of busyness, of momentum rooted in chaos. We lose our way in managing the minutia rather than being in and with the moment.
This disconnect can propel us forward - scattered in our own personal frenzy. We forget the truths of Life. We are sucked into reacting to Life rather than interacting from our role as it and within it.
I believe the spiritual realm offers us a new language to navigate Life. Our loved ones who have left this physical plane find ways to catch our attention. They revive our connection in an unlimited way.
No space or time can place a restriction on the immediacy or the immensity of our spiritual relationships.
(Even as I write that, I feel my heart swell and my body relax.)
My Mother died 12 years ago in August. My father 18 months after her in June. Physically they’ve been gone for what feels like a long time…
Early on in my grief I continuously visited a deep hole of aching emptiness. Overwhelmed with sadness I focused on all the losses my parents’ deaths initiated.
In despair, I projected everyday what my future might look like without them. Sometimes I froze in lamenting the past, our memories, and what felt like, their abandonment of me and our relationship.
Slowly I began to focus on all the little things in my daily Life that reminded me of them. Certain meaningful conversations, favorite foods, humorous idiosyncrasies, snippets and scenarios of happy times and shared special events. My mothers laugh, my father’s witty sarcasm.
Part of what returned to me was a familiarity and trust in the stability and wellness of my Life. I made a decision to be open. I was willing to trust that their guidance and love were still with me.
In fact, within me and all around me as never before. I have grown to know this is true.
When I let go of trying to hold on to the past, a flood of connection rushed in to dissolve my resistance. I discovered new insights and welcomed a richer perspective about death.
Today my father comes to me by flickering the lights in the bathroom. He touches me with every piece of trash I find in front of me waiting to be picked up. He establishes his presence by laying coins at my feet.
He shows up as a strong unseen force to support my resolve when I feel challenged.
When I cry out in frustration, soliciting his guidance and advice - he lovingly reminds me in his stern firm voice, Jani, you already know what to do…
And during those times when I feel lost or sad, when my heart aches, and I feel alone, I moan to the Universe,
Oh Mom, I wish you were here…
Almost immediately, her whispered answer reverberates through my heart, Honey I am. I’m right here with you.
Connection is essential to human beings. We thrive by being included and knowing we belong. Death gives us the illusion that our connection has been severed.
Yet in reality the relationship has not ended. It has just changed in form. The physical loss we experience has been filled with something much grander and more expansive than we could ever have imagined.
This new connection and unconditional love continues to reveal itself as a new Life - born out of freedom from physical burden and the restriction of time.